confusion reigns when constance does not. decisions sadly dominate when there is everything steady in a monotonous droll. when things are good the serious gets pushed back and my life just seems to be one flaky dream. when things are bad you are the one that comes to mind and then you are what makes me fine. but then again my flaky side just tends to rise, my feelings meddle and i spread on thin to everyone. the sex is fine the hugs are great the boys are fine and i’m ok. and you’re still you and i’m still me, but just a tiny layer of me because i spread to thin, begin to hope and then reality begins to come. oh fuck. what have i done.
to get over you. not a choice? to be free. not a choice? too fuck it up? fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i want it all, i wish my time was endless and all over the place. i wish i wish i wish i wish i wish that i was fine. i wish i was ok. these are not second thoughts, they are much more than that they’re being on the other side of danger knowing whats to come and how i have no desire to stop it whatsoever. the wave of craziness is starting in my life.
a vacation. i refuse two boys thats good, no second thoughts on that. but then old flames pop up to say hello and shatter me, confuse me and just make me want to get with them and fuck it up so i can always run back to you and if i do it right it will be well timed and you will be there to mend my empty heart. forever. i
